It’s been several days and I’m still spinning my wheels mentally. Sometimes, I feel like a truck stuck in the mud. The faster the wheels spin, the deeper the hole gets; and the deeper the hole gets, the less likely I’ll ever get out. I spin so fast and dig so deep that the truck soon sits on the mud and the wheels have no ability to eradicate the truck because they’ve lost their driving force. That’s how it feels in my brain.
The driving force of my life is rational thinking. Rarely do I ever make emotional decisions. I may act or react emotionally at times; but I try to not make decisions on anything other than logical analysis and rational thinking. But when the logic, the rationale, the analysis is saturated in the emotions of fear, insecurity and self-deprecation a quagmire forms around me that threatens to engulf me like I’d stepped into quicksand. And, (just like the scenes of “Tarzan”, where everyone seem to fall into the quicksand), the more I struggle, the deeper I seem to sink.
I’ve appreciated the expressions of concerns and offers to talk about the decisions from friends. If I’ve not taken you up on your offer, please don’t be offended. To be honest, my wheels are spinning so fast right now that my conversation wouldn’t make sense anyway. And nothing, and I mean nothing, can detract from the fact that you do care and are concerned. It’s not my response to your offer that validates your spirit; it is the offer, my friend.
Plus, if you know me, you know I isolate myself in times of pressure. Maybe, it’s my strength; maybe, it’s my weakness. Maybe, it’s my confidence; or maybe, it’s my self-protection. But, regardless of the motivation, I tend to walk off into the wilderness alone until my decisions have been made.
If you are interested, I’m going to keep writing about this “Journey In and Around and Through Faith” on this webpage; and if you aren’t interested, I’m still going to keep writing about this “Journey In and Around and Through Faith” on this webpage.
See, how “myself” and I are about stuff! Man, I’m amazed my mother didn’t kill us both!